hello, 2011!

Hello, online journal! It's been a long time, huh? First of all, let me write: belated happy new year! I only have 2 resolutions this year, and one of them is to have a settled job. And I'm really looking forward to make it come true. Amen.

I have like a lot to say. But, I just don't know where to start. Mmmm, I think I'll start with my were-not-so-nice christmas and new year eve. I was sick on christmas eve. What could be worse than that? Oh, I know: the fact that my parents were going back to their hometown. So, I didn't go to church, I didn't have a christmas eve dinner and there was no christmas cookies whatsoever in the house. It was so sad. Pretty similar thing happened on the NYE for I was still sick (to be honest, I am still not feeling well as I write this post, and it's already January 28th, for heaven's sake! So, I've been sick for a year, eh?). So, again I didn't go to the church. But the saddest part is I think the fact that I missed the chance to spend NYE with my friends. You know, it's a tradition in my family (I happened to be raised in a Batak-Christian family) to spend NYE with our extended family. We talk, we sing, we pray before we eventually together do the count down. So, for 22 years, I have always spent NYE with my family. And, this year (or last year?), when I finally got the chance to spend it with my friends, my body demanded to just stay in bed. So I spent my NYE in my bed, sleeping.

And, nah! Those aren't the only reasons why I think December was the lowest point in my life in 2010. I failed to get my so-called dream job. I was so sad. So sad I even can't describe how sad I was. People said nice things to me, but they didn't work. I was so sad because I could feel that I was so close to get it, but turned out I was wrong. When the result was announced on the internet and I saw my name wasn't on the list, I was devastated. I cried. In silence. I decided not to tell anyone about how I truly felt about my failure because it wouldn't make me feel any better. I knew it. But, mmmmm actually I also felt at that moment that I didn't really have someone to talk to. I didn't wanna make my family worried about me. And I didn't tell my friend that I was trying to get this so-called dream job, so I couldn't talk to them either.

But, I didn't let myself drown in self pity for more than a week, you know. I already felt much better couple of days later. I pulled myself together and convinced myself that He has a master plan, which is of course true. And that's the only reason I'm capable of facing this failure. Well, I guess what I'm just trying to say is that you should never rely on anybody else to motivate yourself. I mean, of course sometimes you wanna do something because you wanna make your family and friends proud, but it's our own motivation that can help us getting through all the failures that we have to face before we eventually see the silver lining. So, let's rock with me, 2011!